Often you
will hear teachers ask students who are in trouble, “why did you do it?” “Why do you keep acting this way?” The standard answer from some of the worst
behavior problems is a general condition I call the “I Don’t Know
Syndrome”. They will say this phrase
over and over again. I don’t know….I
don’t know…..I don’t know. Part of it is
laziness, but mostly it’s the real deal.
They truly don’t know why they are behaving this way and when asked they
don’t have a realistic answer.
Typically, at this point they are disciplined, sent away and the
behavior that got them in trouble will soon repeat itself all over again.
How
do we as effective teachers combat this syndrome? The first step may be to tell the student
that you know why they behave this way.
I
once saw a student throw a pencil at another during a fire drill when
re-entering the building. He was leading
the class, smiling the whole time it was happening, had the attention of all
his classmates and thought that no teacher saw him. I watched the whole thing happen. I walked up behind him, tugged on his shirt,
then terror rained over his face and his classmates smiled. I took him into my room, asked why he did it
and he denied the whole thing. When
asked again, he said he threw a pencil, but did not throw it at anyone. When asked again why he threw a pencil at a
student, he then said, “I don’t know”.
Now tears began to well up in his eyes.
I told him he thought the rules did not apply to him, he can do whatever
he wants, and gain all the attention for it.
Most
kids who suffer from the “I don’t know syndrome”, really don’t know. They seek attention any way they can get it,
including; not doing work in class, shouting out, grabbing on to other students,
or breaking the law. Any attention is
good attention in their eyes. They fail
to see any of this behavior as bad; therefore, they don’t understand its
causes. I mentioned to this student that
I already knew his name even though I had never had him in class. This upset the student, but his attitude
began to worsen. His frustration was not
just solely in getting caught, but that he was breaking the rules over and over
and not learning. I addressed the
student again and told him there is a difference between good attention and bad
attention. This is bad attention. Good attention is something he had never
tried before. Raising his hand in class
to participate in a positive way is an example.
Turning in homework is another.
Not looking desperate to seek attention is yet another example.
The
student never returned the form I gave him to get signed by a parent, so ISS
was the final act.
So,
how do we remedy this syndrome and teach kids to take responsibility for their
actions without giving up when we hear “I don’t know”?
*Consistency
*Demanding face-to-face apologies
*Not
giving up when we hear the dreaded “syndrome” coming on
*Giving
them “positive attention” examples
*Giving them realistic examples of
when they have made similar mistakes in the past and how it has lead them to
this point
*Asking the student about the behavior
of their friends, both guys and girls.
*Mentioning to them that it’s
attention they seek and nothing more, then ask them if this is accurate. Chances are, it is.
Just
remember, if they say, “I don’t know”, it’s because they don’t. It’s our job to give them positive
alternatives in behavior. This is where
a conflict/violence prevention group can come in handy. Send a student to a group of their peers
where they can get solutions to their problems, instead of being discarded by a
tired administrator or teacher who just wants to see them disappear. That tactic will bring about bigger problems
in the long run. Having more than one
way to attack a behavior will have a greater chance of reducing it.