There
is no doubt that conflict and violence occur in school. But, when you think of the causes where does
your mind travel? Does it begin with
students, teachers, parents, and school resources or district leadership? I would state that it begins with the
individual rather than a group. In the
following paragraphs I will begin to explain how new teachers and current ones
can avoid negative groups that lead to conflict in school, and get away from
the concept of thinking in terms of “us and them” with regard to students and
lean towards a method of “me and we”.
How
often do you hear teachers discussing student matters and feel a sense of
division? Before a parent conference,
after a conference, at the end of the day, when discussing discipline of a
student? Too often teachers make
disparaging remarks regarding students and create a brick wall between the
two. Over time this attitude of “it’s us
vs. them” takes on a wide range of behaviors that have a direct path to conflict
and violence within a school. Let me use
a true situation involving a new student joining my class as an example of how
dangerous this behavior can erupt. (No
names have been used to protect identity.)
You
receive an e-mail from the office stating that you are gaining a new
student. Immediately, some teachers
would sigh in disgust, while others would rejoice at the opportunity to teach
another youth. You are told when the
student will be joining your class and where the student is coming from, i.e.
another town, their past school, etc.
Becoming familiar with your state, you recognize that they are coming
from a place that has plenty of crime, poor schools, or a combination of
both. You begin to form an opinion of
the student long before they arrive, before you even see them. Some teachers may not be aware of this
student’s previous living situation or location, but opinions are then made
based on what the student looks like; “Us
and Them.” The student begins to
walk closer to your room and you recognize this student is new. Immediately he’s breaking a few rules that he
is most likely not aware of. The student’s
pants are hanging down below his rear end, he has a bandana hanging from his
belt, and he has fake gold teeth in his mouth.
All three are “dress code violations” but a teacher has not told the
student yet. Teachers know the rules;
they need to be brought to the attention of the student, so why has this
student made his way through three classes already and not been told? “Us and
Them.” Making his way to my room, I
ask the student to step away from the door so I can have a word with him. Already angry about the first day and new
surroundings, little if no eye contact is made.
I address the “dress code violations” with the student in a tone that is
non-accusatory and more of a warning so he doesn’t get in trouble. He responds with “no one has said anything to
me yet about it”. My thought is, “of
course not. You are new; you’re wearing
your ‘I’m tough on the first day’ mask, so, I’ll try to scare you with my
appearance”. “Us and Them.” No verbal
agreement is made, but the conversation ends with a polite warning and voice of
concern. I then notice that throughout
the class the student stands up and ties his belt tighter around his waist so
his pants don’t sag. Baby steps to “Me and We”.
The
second day began with a student approaching me saying that the “new kid” called
him a racist. I asked why and he said,
“because I have a shirt with a rebel flag on it”. I never ignore a situation like this because
ignoring it can lead to a level of hatred that will transform itself into a
dangerous outburst. I again ask to speak
with the new student politely, away from students. I remind him that this student is not racist,
uneducated maybe, but not racist. I then
tell him that we discuss racism in my class and if he would like to discuss it
further, find a time when it is appropriate, and then we can open up a
dialogue. I settled the situation and we
both entered the class to begin the day.
On
the second day, the student was more willing to follow the rules and reveal
more about himself when asked. Where are
you from? What was your past school
like? What do you think of this
school? Is everything going ok? Are you having any problems? “Me and
We.” He begins to disclose
information about his mother and her legal issues, his past school and how it
was “ghetto”, and how this school is very different. I assure the student that I am here for him
in any way and that he has no enemies in this building. This is a new start for him and his
education. If he follows my lead, I can
show him the positives of this environment and how they can be beneficial, both
today and tomorrow. “Me and We.” To this point,
no teacher has addressed this student other than by his or her own name. Perhaps not even that. No questions have been asked of him on a
personal level, no interest has been taken.
“Us and Them.” This overwhelming presence of “Us and Them”
thinking creates conflict, tension and potentially violence.
I
saw anger and distaste in this student’s eyes on the first day, but less in the
next because I took an interest in his well-being. This does not happen enough, and leads to
bigger issues of conflict and violence in schools. Students read lips, hear teachers make
disparaging remarks, and never forget them.
They also remember kind words, compassion and taking interest in them
personally. The student may not believe
the teacher at first when trying to be led in the right direction. But, day-by-day, little by little regardless
of race, gender, and background or economic status, an environment can be
created of “Me and We” that will benefit the student, teacher and all that
watch and listen. I enjoy the words of a
favorite philosopher of mine when he said:
“So yes, some people may be more
capable because of better education, some less educated; some more affluent,
some less affluent; some better looking, some not so good looking. But one big factor remains: that despite
these kinds of differences, we still need to be able to maintain respect for
all. They are human beings, worthy of
human dignity and respect on a fundamental level. That’s the unchangeable truth.”
A
lack of the above truth can result in distorting reality, forming false beliefs
or stereotypes about other groups, and potentially lead to prejudice, hatred,
and eventually violence.